Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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