dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
