How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
