I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
