Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
