I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
