physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
