This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
