Can Purell be used as lube?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
