he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
