I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
