We're like a lot better than the average bears
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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