I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
