My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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