Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
