Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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