Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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