You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
