we have officially lost it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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