If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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