I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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