Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
