I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
