I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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