Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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