You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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