1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
