If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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