I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
ttyl tear gas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
