So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
