listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
