evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
