he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
