Cold hands, warm shart.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
