This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
