I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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