so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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