all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
tell me about the eggs
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