She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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