You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
