I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
