Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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