I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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