my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
