thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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