I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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