i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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