I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
