hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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