opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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