Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize