do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
