If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
