dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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