Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
