I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
