Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
