waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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