he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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