I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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