69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She even gives head with a lisp.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
