You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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