It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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